Chickens in a large garden coop were attractive for a curious one-year-old until, after a brief visit within, the residential red mites descended en masse. Then came Granddad’s lost income with fishy eggs produced after a feed on his cod liver oil. As a policeman, we turn from the serious to utter farce when a nude well-endowed lady fell backwards into his arms from a steamed-up car and flying budgerigars which had to be restrained inside a car before he could speak with the driver. His full business life had a particular highlight with a practical joke totally fooling a PLC board!  As a ‘musician’, it gives Yorkshire club tales and entertaining in Scandinavia and Europe, Swiss attempts to be picked up by a ‘lady boy’, a quite descriptive account of an angry, spurned transvestite throwing glasses in his bar, caught out boastful tourists and much more make for a colourful read.