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By: B. M. Dawes

Life According to Brian

Pages: 282 Ratings: 4.9
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Life According to Brian chronicles 44 stories of mishap and misadventure of a scale unparalleled in modern man. Disguised in comedy to protect the seriously guilty, the story follows Brian’s escapades traversing the world and captures not only the lunacy of life but the luck involved in avoiding one’s own death.

The guidebook for the mentally impaired includes: poaching, drugs, imprisonment, kidnapping, poisonings, alien hunters, crocodile suicide and much, much more…

The sorry episodes are being played out via a game of chess. God and Charles Darwin, seeking to save mankind, are plotting Brian’s untimely demise. The winner of each play gets to choose the method of death. Constantly interrupted by visiting deities, kings, queens and E.T., the two main players are frustrated in their attempts to have some peace and play the game, with a nice cup of tea and some Mr Kipling cake.

Send the kids away, euthanise the cat, find a comfy chair, pour a pint of the finest whisky…have a reliable psychiatrist on speed dial.

Come inside and enjoy the ride…

B. M. Dawes was born in Perth, Australia, in 1971, where he first discovered his fear of venomous snakes. This legitimate threat to life would then follow Brian to Zambia from the age of three to six. Escaping not only the marauding bandits and numerous attempts by his loving sister to shorten his already young years, Brian would then flee to Bahrain where he would misadventure throughout his teens. He attended university in Queensland, Australia, where he learnt his trade as a professional drinker and erred on the side of erring. He currently lives in Edinburgh, Scotland, with his long-suffering partner and two loving children, who have a pending life policy on their benevolent dad.

Customer Reviews
10 reviews
10 reviews
  • John Walker

    this collection of short stories about the misadventures of Brain in various countries around the world had me both rivetted and giggling from the start. This is a very enjoyable read with each short story being proficiently told at a good place. It is well written and perfectly interspersed with humour. I highly recommend this very engaging book.

  • John

    Deliciously Naught-think Bill Bryson on acid Once in a while a book comes along that takes you on a journey that you were not expecting or couldn't anticipate. The authors travails around the world are not only laced with hilarity, but the mishaps are a roller coaster feast for the mind. The stories are well structured, fast-flowing and I found myself, tearing through them eager to read the next one. It truly is 'mind candy' and I could put the confectionery bar down until I chewed all the way to the finale.
    Highly recommend, it's a fantastic escape.

  • Charles Ensor

    This book is different- really different - it is also full of different and exotic locations - but the main creative thread is the roller coaster ride of accompanying Brian on the story of his life in the fast lane.
    Having seen the proof of these adventures I can confidently say that while most of these appear beyond belief - they are all true.
    The story is well told and the heroes of this story are not Brian and his gang but his long suffering parents and gran, who managed to keep him alive and a free man.
    If you don’t keep turning the pages of this book to see what happens next and how more bizarre it gets, I bet you will come back to it within a few days to see if anyone could possibly survive this adventure.
    Read it or regret it!!!

  • Heather

    Hilarious escapism-irreverent comedy at it's best
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 9 April 2021
    What a ride! A fast and furious journey of hilarity around the world. The intent of Brian to gain as many Darwin awards as humanly possible, whilst saving his family's name. Highly recommend-its a fantastic read into a different world.

  • Adriana Savin

    This book has been an eye-opener into a wonderful world of Brian. A true adventurer with a Liver of steel who has truly beaten the odds and the machinations of God and Darwin. A race across the world soaked in alcohol and near-death experiences. A book the youth should read as a how to guide (how to do what I'm not sure yet). I loved it.

  • Dave

    Just as no good story starts with "We went for a lovely salad", all of the best stories in this collection start with alcohol and poor choices. An expat memoir, I'm not sure how many countries the author will be welcomed back to. Set against a celestial chess game, various gods decide his fate through a series of often bizarre, hilarious instances. What elevates this from being just a series of drunken stories is a real heart and flair for telling a good tale.

  • Charlie Savin

    Brian is obviously a man of extreme confidence, at the top of his game, but with a serious lack of judgement. Probably due to the oceans of alcohol consumed. His crazy, globe trotting adventures will have you laughing out loud from start to finish. He's a very naughty boy, but an excellent raconteur. A fantastic read.

  • What could possibly go wrong?

    The question isn't how does he manage to get himself into such outlandish situations, it's how the hell does he manage to get himself out of them. I was particularly impressed by his Moroccan escape. Brian pushes himself and friends to the brink and manages pull them back again. Quite a feat when you consider they are usually pickled at the time. He survives the myriad of adventures and has a knack of bumping into the most incredible characters in all corners of the globe.

    Well crafted storytelling, a perfect holiday read. But this book should carry a warning; Do not try this at home or anywhere else for that matter.

    What could possibly go wrong? The answer is, almost anything but he survived to tell the tale.

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