Imagine a world where the only rule book is in a language you do not understand. You do not understand why you are different. You try with great effort to fit in, be normal, but you still find yourself sat in a crowded room at a conference, sat on your own watching people talking to each other, busy chatting away, ignoring you as if you are invisible, like you are watching through a television screen from a remote place.

Why was I the target of bullies at school? Why was I always the last one to be picked for team sports? Others were often keen to point out that I was different. Why? I have been searching for that answer most of my life until in my mid-twenties, I gave up trying. I was searching for a label that defined me. An identity. I wanted to know who I was. I gave up. It was over twenty years later at the age of 47 and totally out of the blue that my life was turned upside down. The news that I had longed for came thundering through like a juggernaut had blasted through the walls of my living room. This book recalls the events leading up to that juggernaut crash and I recall going over my past and the missed clues.