From London To LA

There are road trips and then there are road trips.

Nearly 2,500 miles east to west across one of the biggest countries in the world along one of the most famous roads in the world firmly puts Route 66 in the ‘you really need to do this’ category.

From London To LA is much more than just a travelogue. Not just a commentary of the journey itself, it also explores the history of places visited along the way as two blokes from London discover the big cities, the small towns, the real wild west and some really quite bizarre curios that couldn’t belong anywhere else other than along Route 66.

Full of information, observations and British humour, From London To LA is a must-read for anyone who is interested in travel, history, geography, Americana and, of course, the Mother Road herself.

Or if you just want a jolly good read…

From Sitzkrieg to Blitzkrieg

I’d seen chaps killed before, of course: Tuppy Horton was the first; accidentally garroted by his own braces, whilst playing ‘Cowboys and Indians’ back in 1922. There had been raw terror in poor old Tuppy’s bulging, bloodshot eyes as he dangled by his neck from that apple tree, while the rest of us just stood and gawped. Then there was Stiffy Plantagenet; who was knocked down on the tennis court at his home, by a motor car driven (in reverse) by his inebriated Aunt Agatha – I seem to remember that Plantagenet was absent from school for quite some time before it was announced by the Headmaster that old Stiffy had finally shuffled-off his bucket, kicked his clogs, and popped his mortal coil.

I have just remembered another one, too: Benjamin Alistair Drayton, who drowned in Tatlock Pond (whilst I warmed my palms on his sister Millicent’s bare breasts in a nearby thicket). I didn’t actually see him drown, of course (having, as I did, my hands rather full at the time), but I watched Mr Mulgrew and Constable Pinchworthy fish Drayton’s lifeless, floppy corpse from the stagnant water afterwards.

This was the first time that I’d seen a chap killed so horribly though; a shell had exploded nearby and shrapnel had completely smashed Simpson’s face in; his belly was torn wide-open, and his wet, shiny innards spilled out onto the brown earth. (Needless to say, he did not live for long.) I paused for a moment, drew a deep breath, and then vomited so hard that my backside trumpeted loudly. (“Pffrrrt!”)

From the Leader's Chair

Kenneth Sillito is internationally recognised as one of Britain's most distinguished musicians. Born in Newcastle-upon-Tyne, he studied with David Martin at the Royal Academy of Music, and in Rome with Remy Principe. His first major appointment was as associate leader of the newly created English Chamber Orchestra in 1960. He was subsequently appointed leader and remained with the orchestra until 1973, during which time he established a worldwide reputation as both director and soloist. In 1967, he founded the Gabrieli String Quartet, which swiftly established itself as one of this country's leading chamber ensembles. With the Academy of St Martin-in-the-Fields, which he joined in l980, Kenneth led and directed innumerable distinguished recordings and performances until his retirement in 2012. He was made a Fellow of the Royal Academy in 1971 and awarded the highly prestigious Cobbett Medal in 2017 by The Worshipful Company of Musicians for his services to chamber music.

From Wellies and Chapped Legs to Brogues

Ten-year-old David’s life is not easy, living in dire circumstances with his alcoholic mother in a wreck of a home. His one true friend is Rebecca, the other children tolerate or make fun of him.

Following an accident, he is befriended by Hobo, who moves in and out of the village with his belongings in a pram.

When David’s mother dies over the Christmas period, he spends time at Rebecca’s home and is then taken into care. He escapes, seeks solace with Hobo and together they escape the village, and in time, David is sent to live with Hobo’s brother on the South Coast, where he learns Hobo’s story.

Here, David's life changes completely, but there are still setbacks and challenges along the way before he returns to the village and his life becomes entwined once again with Rebecca.

Frostbite

An imagination-inspiring story of how Fred Frostovski, son of Dracon, the much-feared king of the vampires, has to go about restoring his race to the top of the food chain after a rather difficult start to life.

Dracon's brother, Amadeus, plans to usurp the crown has backfired, as Amadeus himself is betrayed somewhat by the evil Ice Queen he had been colluding with. Little did he know the Ice Queen had her own plans to use his betrayal to wipe out the much-feared vampire race and then enslave the traitorous brother to use as her own personal pet.

The Ice Queen's evil plan was almost perfect until unbeknown to everybody involved, Fred Frostovski managed to make it out of the carnage alive, albeit in a slightly different state. And he is hellbent on revenge. 

Fruit Salad Friendship

One day Banana decides to split from her bunch!

She is sick of being teased by the other bananas for being too straight and tall so she runs away to try and find some new friends.

She bravely boards the bus and soon meets Apple, Orange and Grape.

Throughout the journey, they each learn just how special they are when seen through each other’s eyes and the seeds of a fabulous friendship are sown.

Fucking Pterodactyl

Margareta du Plessis the Republican Madam Prime Minister does “Madam Prime Minister’s Questions” as she takes a few swipes at her pterodactyl Democrat opposite by calling him a “fucking pterodactyl” over his sex allegations of her gay brother’s doings with a European male whore on live Gay TV the night before, by tossing her half-drunk glass of wine right at him where it just missed him by inches as it pulverized upon the olive-green work-bench right beside him. Madam Prime Minister also had a go at her pterodactyl counterpart over the acquisition of androids which work without any pay and don’t require any food, that are set to replace general biological office workers who she’s commissioned to immediately work in an Andromeda exotic jewellery mining colony for jewels to be made and sold intergalactically. So, the pterodactyl calls for immediate strikes in the House of Commons, London, circa 30,050 AD. in an alternate sci-fi reality.

Fugly & Friends

Frederick Fugly said that no creature should ever get lost the way Harry Mouse did. Bursting with curiosity to find out what happened, Big Bugs goes off in search of answers deep into the forest. Along the way, she meets various forest creatures who all think they know what happened to Harry Mouse. But has she been tricked? After all, Frederick Fugly is the only one who can truly know what happened to Harry Mouse.

Gardens of Deprivation

The first four decades of my life were spent in a small country that was nested in a hostile and unstable old region, Israel. I strongly felt, enjoyed, and participated in, the revival of that country and experienced the uneasy reintegration of the returning descendants of Abraham, Issac and Jacob from the four corners of the world. I have felt the pain of the less happy residents of that reviving country. In particular, I have felt the hardship of the Mizrachi Israelis – the Jewish returnees and refugees from Arab countries.

I have wished to live in a world that is not divided by religion, ethnicity and skin colour. As there is no such world, I embraced the second best – the remote, sparsely populated southern continent that has provided a home to convicts and refugees from the old world. I arrived in that continent, Australia, at almost forty years of age with an already developed strong sensitivity to ethnic-based social injustices.

My tales from my land of origin and from my land of choice record interwoven personal and national memoirs of ethnically based inequalities and injustices. I wrote those tales with a hope that they will make a contribution to the moderation of the intensity of such social problems. The colour of my tales is brown – the typical colour of the skin of the Mizrachi Israelis and the colour of many members of the minority ethnic groups that live in Australia.

Gas Meter Knees

“It wasn’t until I was 13 that I realised pressing 50 pence pieces into Plasticine sheets and filling the impressions with water, freezing overnight and quickly using the ice coins in the electric meter slots wasn’t normal behaviour.” From raiding the bins of London fashion labels, to being asked to bury dead bodies in a flyover, being beaten unconscious twice in one day, to regularly driving my inebriated maths teacher back to school for a fee, finding my boss dead in a mysterious suicide and dragging a teetering motorcyclist to safety on a busy A3 flyover to avoid certain death, the weekly war with the bailiffs doggedly trying to repossess my TV, and finally an attempt to emulate Evel Knievel by jumping a pickup truck in Wimbledon Stadium. I learned the hard way that nobody was going to save me except myself – all this before the age of 16. A real-life rags-to-relative-affluence story which takes us from humble SW17 origins to the bustling streets of Singapore and Tokyo. The story is as diverse and delightfully absurd as it gets. If I hadn’t lived every moment, I wouldn’t believe it either.

Gate-Crashers

It’s Christmas 1984 in Manchester and seventeen year old Nick Hopper has devastating news on his mind.

Rather than reveal his tragedy to school mates in their gloomy old pub, Nick seeks a change of heart and goes to a trendy hotspot where life gets in the way of death when a beautiful girl writes on the back of his hand urging him to seize the day and choose life!

Along with his carefree best friend Heff, Nick embarks on the greatest night of his life gate-crashing a lavish house party to pursue the girl of his dreams, Jasmine.

Welcomed into the in-crowd’s heady ‘sex, drugs and pop music’ party world, Nick is forced to face his demons and discover who his real friends are when to win Jasmine’s heart he unwittingly throws the wildest New Year's Eve house party ever!

Gathering Moss

An atmospheric, mainly biographical story set in the 1930s-1950s, of a British Naval Officer's determination to foil the enemy's wartime dive bombing of our fleet. Hundreds of lives were saved by his suggested adaptation of the big, anti-aircraft barrage balloons which were flown above cities and other land based targets, to be specially tailored for the defence of shipping as well.

Combined with this moving story is a colourful account of family life at that time, and it was not very long after the ending of the Second World War that Commander "Basher" Boorman began to find himself involved in certain minor skirmishes on his own home front.

Commander's daughters do not always obey orders, even if their father has the appropriate rank, and this teenager certainly had a mind of her own. Determined to pursue a career not approved by her father, Basher's daughter found herself to be out-manoeuvred. But battles sometimes resolve themselves in unexpected ways, as was eventually the way with this particular one.

'Gathering Moss' is a fast moving, evocative story which covers a variety of events, backgrounds, and human emotions.