The Bott Twins: Birth, Death and Other Jokes

A grotesque, surreal and darkly comic series of tales about the most terrible family on the planet.

Mrs Bott, an horrendous “unlanced boil” of a woman and Mr Bott, “a balloon of a man”, are very unhappily married.

Into this disaster enter two unwanted arrivals: The Bott Twins.

Born bad? Or driven bad? It doesn’t matter. What you do need to know is that:

“If you ever meet the Bott Twins, run. Run and don’t look back.”

Too few people take this advice and the results are not pretty.

The Box

The Box tells the story of Rupert and Lucille; their lives, loves, families, achievements, and failures. Lucille is the last child born to a family of generationally poor dirt farmers, while Rupert is the only child born to multi-billionaire parents. Rupert and Lucille’s paths cross due to a confluence of seemingly random events, and, as their business relationship grows, so do their friendship, love, and respect grow for each other. The Box tells how a simple invention has the potential to transform not only their two lives, but the story tells how the invention has the potential to change the lives of thousands of people. Where does it all lead though? Does the invention lead to the good that Rupert first envisioned? Does the invention help Lucille out of her generational poverty? Does the invention help anybody? Or, is the old adage that says, “No good deed goes unpunished,” really true?

The Boy in Your Dreams

Max has ended up somewhere he doesn’t know, but it’s familiar. He’s been here before, but everything is different, brighter, and everyone is ignoring him. There’s a girl in the distance; he doesn’t know her, but she knows him, and she has a lot to tell him.

There are others that come to this place, they will meet Max and explain more. But for now he needs to find out where he is and why he’s here. He’s on a mission to get some answers. Will his life ever be the same again?

The Boy Who Lived on Oatmeal Street

Does anyone really like plain oatmeal? Sammy and his dog, Leroy, sure didn’t. And why should they? No brown sugar. No raisins. Just boring oatmeal! And, unfortunately, that was the only breakfast they had, every morning. And since Sammy’s nana liked knitting better than children, she was no help either.

One day Sammy and Leroy decided to discover what the neighbours were having for breakfast. And oh, what a revelation that was! Frosted Flakes! Eggs and Bacon! And then, to Sammy and Leroy’s utter horror: another house where oatmeal was served.

But what a difference! There were so many exciting additions that the oatmeal was barely recognizable!

When Sammy grew up, that bowl of oatmeal-turned-delicious inspired him to become a breakfast chef, which goes to show that any idea, no matter how dreadful, can be turned into something exciting if one just uses a little imagination.

The Boy Who Refused to Die

On 17 December 2007, 13-year-old Alby Dobinson left his home to make his daily journey to school. Later that day, during his return journey, something happened that would change his life forever.

This story charts the remarkable journey undertaken by Alby and those closest to him. Life is always a mixture of good times and bad, laughter and sadness, and Alby’s story reflects this rainbow of human emotion, from suffering to euphoria.

As a biography, written in the style of a novel, this book details years of rehabilitation as family members recount their own experiences with humour, regret and acceptance, plumbing the depths of despair and soaring to the heights of joy.

The Daily Mail headline “The boy who wouldn’t die” was detested by Alby’s family. However, a small change to it illustrated Alby’s determination. He did not travel his road alone but was accompanied by his mother and stepfather, Lisa and Mark; his younger brother, Jimmy; and his grandparents. What happened to Alby had a profound effect on them all and each has their own special story, including the amusing tale of how Lisa and Mark met and the response to Mark’s declaration that he would run the London Marathon: “You’ve never done more than run for a bus!”

This is a story that will amaze and inspire. It is tinged with sadness but the overwhelming message is one of courage and the triumph of one very determined young man and his family.

The Boy, the Witch and the Cuckoo Cheat

A boy and a witch fly off on a magic broomstick to Africa for an adventure. They befriend two small birds – reed warblers. A cuckoo then cheats on the birds by laying an egg in their nest. But the witch magics a way for them to dupe the cuckoo and raise their own chicks.

The Bricken Arch

The lives of two teenage sisters and their cousin boyfriends are forever changed by the mores of their time, by separation to different parts of the world, by relationships with others and by a cruel tragedy. When, after seventeen years, there are reunions and liaisons over two decades, in furtive circumstances, none can imagine that the questionable and consequential actions of one of the lovers will lead to savage repercussions for all: repercussions that will bring on further catastrophic tragedies but more importantly, risk fulfillment of their enduring loves as a foursome.

The Broken King

Far from his home in the Kingdom of Ferinatia, Thorn continues his journey through the dying world of Elcina and the plan to bring the disunited realms and peoples together that he may guide them from the dying world into the safety of his own. With the kingdoms of Isthia and Taroth behind him, and the unexpected departure of the Ranee, Thorn enters the land of the Keegan nomads accompanied by the wolf pup Rark and the living crystal Lorak Ledel intent on finding a way to unify the tribes to his cause and find Princess Ranee who fled here after the destruction in Rata.

Meanwhile, the Kingdom of Varth prepares for their invasion of his world and his own kingdom. Secretly controlled by the Sorcerer Tarna, now emboldened by the murder of Thorn’s friend Penias, who was known as the Crown Prince Jarel Whitethorn. As Thorn enters the nomad lands, the Varthians stretch out their hand against the nomads and all other kingdoms and peoples who would stand against them, and their sorcerous leader.

The Bronson Escapades

Meet the Children:Kennedy, 17 – The Fashionist!(Always telling others what’s wrong with their outfit)Chloe, 15 – The Bookworm!(Never Stops Reading)Edwin, 12 – The Explorer!(Often starts sentences with ‘did you know…’)Bridget, 11 – The Pretentious Snob!(Usually speaks in a false poncy accent)Al, 9 – The Chatterbox!(Quite frequently refers to something outside the current context of conversation)These, along with their mother and father, make up the Bronson family, and together they get into all sorts of trouble – from causing havoc in town, to being locked outside their own house! Join the ride as these five unlikely siblings embark upon some truly epic adventures of a lifetime; including: searching for their mother’s lost ring, helping the mayor, and even giving the garden fence a fresh coat of paint. Read along and see how Kennedy, Chloe, Edwin, Bridget, and Al manage to muddle along through everything that tumbles their way.

The Brumby of Summerhill Park

Alexia and her brother, Brad, travel to the Snowy Mountains, where they rescue a starving brumby whom they name Prince of the Brumbies. When Alexia wants to enter in the annual Stockman's Bush Race over the old gold fields, her hopes are dashed when her chosen ride, the retired race horse Stormy, proves too big and naughty for her. Alexia and her best friend Enya work hard to try and prepare the bush brumby Prince in time for the contest.

The Caledonians

Scottish history master Mr Petrie has the gift of eternal life. Working for a group of mystical superior beings, his time-travelling missions land him in all sorts of death-defying scrapes and encounters, sometimes with famous and ruthless people. To help him in his dangerous work, he's told to find a young apprentice. Duncan Dewar could be a candidate but has his own secrets too, and without realising it, their lives are indelibly linked.

The Camel Who Wanted to Play the Saxophone

This is a gentle story thought of a time I was practising playing my saxophone, looked upon by inquisitive camels. They are beautiful, gentle creatures, and even quite intelligent. So why couldn’t one of them have an adventure alongside some of the really friendly local people? They too live a much slower pace of life than some of us, but they seem to be far more content. I hope it gives an idea of how we should value people in their diversity.