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The Bums
A half-ass story in a ‘big ass’ book, The Bums follows the lives of two (sort of) ordinary asses named Ethel and Elsie as they go about their business. Sitting around all day semi-discontented at their lot, The Bums poke fun and insults at everyday things and people. A pair of soft arses with hard ass attitudes, The Bums are entirely non-PC, up their own arses, utter assholes. Are Ethel and Elsie merely huge waists of space or does their story have legs? Hold on to your butts!
£9.99 -
The Secrets of a Small English Village
The village’s matriarch, Chantry Bowman-Leggett, has a dilemma. Thirteen dead bodies have been found in the Old Rectory after attending a ‘Swingers party’. Does she call the police or would it be better for the village if the bodies were just made to disappear?
Along with the dead bodies, there are secrets buried in the village.
And then Detective Inspector Lore comes sniffing around and even more drastic action is called for…£9.99 -
The Penge Miracle
When God asks you to do something it would be churlish of you to refuse him.
If that thing is to save the world, however hard that might seem, it makes it impossible to refuse that request.
Delivering a pizza can lead to all sorts of things. Read on.
£10.99 -
The Official Skiver's Handbook
Have you ever noticed how some people seem to get away with doing very little productive work on a daily basis, often to the frustration and annoyance of their colleagues?
Some of these people are just lazy, and you would expect that a good manager will deal with their performance issues sooner rather than later. Some of them are just in a job that they clearly don’t like, aren’t suited to or can’t wait to leave. These people usually don’t stick around for very long before leaving and moving on to another job.
The other type of person is a skiver. A skiver will use all of their experience, skill and knowledge to find ways to do as little work as they can get away with, often while appearing to be a productive and popular member of the team.
This book is for you if you want to learn how to become one.
£6.99 -
The Lighter Side
In our lives we encounter many difficult or tricky situations that can make us upset or angry. Susanna prefers to see The Lighter Side of life when this happens. This seems to happen too often, as her readers will see, but as she professes – every experience, good or bad, is fodder for a story!
This collection of stories shares many amusing, as well as poignant responses to life’s little challenges. Many of the stories share Susanna’s husband’s journey along his terminal illness pathway—cancer is a beast! It attacks suddenly, without warning and without manners. It is unrelenting, unmerciful and does not care for feelings. It demands power and wins in the end. Despite Susanna’s incredible efforts to extend her husband’s life, the ‘beast’ became the victor. The Lighter Side shows that all experiences are opportunities to make the most of life’s Pandora's box. It can either be a treasure trove of goodies, as Pandora had expected, or it can be a box of moths!Susanna’s sagas are her Pandora's box – her chocolate box of mixed delights that she shares with her friends. Her readers all tell her how they respond to each different story, and she is always fascinated by their different responses—we all respond differently to life’s encounters.
£10.99 -
The House on Juniper Drive
The house on Juniper Drive becomes home to an assortment of people who take residence there and impact on the life of Judy Vernon from child to adult.
As a rather precocious child, Judy discovers a sixth sense within her. For some reason unbeknown to her there’s a link, a strong connection to this one house.
As Judy grows from childhood into adulthood, she feels a great need to one day own the house on Juniper Drive. But as time passes the likelihood of this ever happening seems to be nothing more than a pipedream. An impossibility.
But can the impossible really happen and a horror be uncovered?
£9.99 -
The Haunting of Gaspard Feeblebunny
Young Constable Gaspard Feeblebunny is unfortunate that one evening on a lonely road he sees Death attempting to harvest the soul of Percy Pargeter which has done a runner. It is doubly unfortunate that the new wizkid in the afterlife civil service decides that Death should have an assistant to handle such a mundane task as tracking down ghosts, because Feeblebunny is pressganged into service as a human subcontractor, though with some powers to assist with his task.
This is the beginning of a series of civil service bungles which leave the unhappy constable with a houseful of ghosts and the enmity of a psychotic Sergeant Hardcastle who is out to do him harm. Over time the ghosts are able to join their powers and take control of the young man’s life. This turns out to be a mixed blessing because though they cause mayhem, they also make him a very wealthy man with a series of ventures, not all of which are a spectacular success, particularly their establishment of his flat as a ScareBnB with neither his knowledge nor consent.
£12.99 -
The Flared Black Skirt
In this insightful and thought-provoking selection of poems, the reader is taken on a journey through life and death, love and heartbreak, joy and hardship: in other words, human existence in its myriad aspects.
Written in deceptively simple language and often in the form of homilies and riddles, these poems cast the familiar in an unfamiliar light.
Skilfully employing repeating patterns, personification and metaphor, the author offers a compelling reflection on who we are and how we navigate the world around us.£6.99 -
The Dentwood Nudists
Claude Ball marries his childhood sweetheart and works in her father’s garage which he takes over when his father-in-law dies. After his wife dies he sells the garage, and becomes involved in the local naturist club which he then buys. There are problems with the local lads and the naturists take action. This is publicised by the local paper and gives great amusement to the town. Meanwhile, the new owner of the garage and his secretary cause mayhem in the hotel after a sexy romp on a business trip. The secretary marries a car salesman from the garage and they cause chaos on a motorway whilst driving a big American car. There is also more chaos when the local hunt gets out of control and causes havoc by crashing into the naturist club grounds.
£13.99 -
The Boy Who Has No Name
Imagine, if you can, being born with cerebral palsy and being abandoned by your parents who leave you in a cardboard box outside an unmanned police station, then to live out your life generally ignored and strapped to a medical trolley with little or no proper stimulation. This is the story of an acute mind masked by a crippled frame and hampered by a difficulty with communication. He is a human being who has never socialised with other people and shows signs of abject aggression in reality, hiding his frustrations. John lives in a children's home and is befriended quite by chance by a young visitor of his own age. As their relationship develops, it becomes quite clear that John has a great intellect and has not only taught himself to read, but has an affinity for foreign languages. The book charts his journey from that initial meeting through his improvement with mobility and communication aides, his desperate need to have his own identity and his varying and at times difficult relationship with the staff and residents of the home. For those that look away in embarrassment at disabled or disadvantaged people or worse, go to the opposite extreme and fuss over them, then this is the book you should read. It may make you laugh, it may even make you cry but it will hopefully make you think.
£8.99 -
The Book of Shenanigans
Geoff is having a biblically bad day. For a start, his car gets written off and he loses his job at a call centre in Manchester. Then the Devil tells him he’s the Anti-Christ and unless he delivers the apocalypse, he’ll be tortured for eternity at a call centre in Hell. With the help of the Devil, his best friend, Rob, who turns out to be an infamous duke of Hell, and Mr Sox, a Hell hound trapped in a cat’s body, they are chased by the forces of good and that’s when all the fun starts…
The Book of Shenanigans is the word of God that is full of:
MORE Nuns with Guns MORE Talking Animals
MORE Decapitations MORE Cute Musical Satanists
MORE Cordless Drills MORE Evil Nazis
MORE Tea Drinking MORE Scary Stuff
IMPORTANT READING GUIDANCE
The following groups are strictly prohibited from reading The Book of Shenanigans:
British Royal Family Cancel Culture Cartel Members
Catholic Church Cats Folk Bands
Mexicans Norwegian Blue Nose Rabbits Nuns
Penguins Satanists Scots
Seal Pups Serial Killers Snowflakes
Swedes Unicorns Witches
£10.99 -
Table for Two, Mr Sparrowhawk?
Imagine going on a luxury cruise holiday around South America where your fellow passengers turn out to be a beautiful blonde ex-Miss World from Switzerland, a ventriloquist’s dummy, an Italian mobster and his wife, a Blackpool Landlady, a 1960s Beat Combo, Sea Legs & Co – a troupe of sexy girl dancers, an eccentric Lord, four undercover cops, a suitcase full of guns and a seven foot tall angry Scottish chef. What could possibly go wrong?
If diamonds are a girl’s best friend, why does Susan think Fanny has a screw loose? Why do Big Sharon and Randy Mandy have it in for Steve? What does our hero conceal under Doris Downing’s blue rinse syrup at the Disco?
Is professional dance host Vlad “Terry” Rasputin really a Russian, or is he actually from Preston? Why was that man wearing a thong in the ballroom? Will the Talent Show ever be the same again?
Totti is a super sexy Italian lady dripping with diamonds. Carlo and Mario wear shiny silk suits and have thin ankles. Danny is an enigma and Lord Toucan wears a top hat and tails every day. But which one of them has a big secret connected to the Royal Gilbert Hall?
Follow Steve Sparrowhawk’s hilarious daily adventures, mishaps, romps and japes on board the ship as he leaves a trail of chaos and destruction in his wake. Will he succumb to the temptations of the flesh? Will he disembark the ship as a multi-millionaire? Will he survive the cruise? Will anyone care?
£10.99